In honor of Father’s Day, this post is inspired by my dear old dad, Tom Haack (or, as I often refer to him, Thaack). He would have received a 10/10 fatherhood score, but points had to be deducted for flagrant use of dad jokes. Didn’t quite stick the landing, 9.5/10!
Father’s Day pie game strong since 2006. Anyways, as I’ve gotten older, and have started approaching the age that my parents, well, became parents, I’ve realized how selfless and mature and just plain thoughtful my dad is, and how lucky I am to have grown up always knowing that someone is, unconditionally, happy and excited about my mere existence.
Case in point: my parents recently converted our old family home videos from VHS to DVD, and we spent a good portion of last Thanksgiving reliving the early 90s. When I was a baby, probably no more than six months old, my dad made this carefully edited movie where he walks in the door -“Honey, I’m home!”- and the shot cuts to my mom holding me at the top of the steps, then cuts to a baby FLYING DOWN THE STEPS and my dad catching the baby, and cuts again to my dad holding me, with the entire thing set to Fleetwood Mac’s “Sarah.” It took three people to film, one stunt double baby doll, and probably countless hours to film and edit using only a VHS video recorder. All that effort for a tiny kind-of-human who probably can’t even hold their own head up? If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
My dad instilled in me many things, most notably: the importance of patience and a general laid back nature (I’ve never seen Thaack get mad, ever, which is impressive because I can be a little shit), a great sense of humor and an appreciation of Monty Python, and a love of gin and tonics.
My parents and I have always gotten along for the most part, with the exception of a few expected rough patches from ages 14 to 17. When I was home last summer, though, essentially for the first time since high school, it was the first time I got to know my parents as friends, and I spent many nights playing Scrabble and watching/making fun of the local nightly news over gin and tonics with my dad. Always with Tanqueray, always with diet tonic water. I guess I also got my dad’s “health nut” gene, too.
This gin and tonic sorbet is a celebration of dads: May they always set up the wifi and write you a note reminding you how to locate/work the fuse box. May they continue to wear polo shirts and cargo shorts. May they forever address and sign their emails to you, “To Evil Daughter…Love, Evil Dad.”
Gin and Tonic Sorbet (makes 1 quart sorbet)
½ cup sugar
½ cup water
2 medium limes, zested and juiced
2 ½ cups (diet) tonic water, cold
1/4 cup Tanqueray (this sorbet is STRONG, it’s worth the splurge. You’re an adult, don’t buy Burnett’s gin)
In a small saucepan, add sugar and water, and heat until dissolved. Remove from heat and add lime zest, lime juice, and gin. Refrigerate until cold, about two hours.
Add sugar-lime-gin mixture and (diet) tonic water to ice cream maker (make sure the bowl is sufficiently frozen, according to manufacturer’s instructions), and process for about 15-20 minutes.
(You may need to keep on eye on the sorbet in case it starts to freeze unevenly, in which case you can break it up with a fork while it’s churning (accurate term for sorbet? schmeh). I’ve also heard that folding in a whipped egg white will keep the mixture light and airy, but so far it’s all hearsay. Please let me know if you have any success with this method!)
Once sorbet has reached proper consistency, remove from ice cream maker and transfer to airtight container. Store in freezer while you prepare your Father’s Day odes, haikus, and interpretive dances.*
*While my brother and I were in college and were dirt broke, we had a running joke where my dad only requested zero-cost gifts in the form of artistic expression during “Father’s Day Month.” Thank god “Haack” is easy to limerick.
UPDATE, I just received this Snapchat from my dad:
Happy Father’s Day, y’all.